Today, I reached a profound realization about how we process the world around us. My father used to give me a classic piece of advice: "Make use of both ears listen with one and let it out through the other." He spoke from his experience, but when I became a parent, I modified that rule. I told my children: "Never let the garbage inside. Don't let your ear even admit it into the system, because once it enters, it is incredibly difficult to remove."
Despite my own advice, I found myself failing. Whenever my son or other loved ones used harsh words or blamed me, I felt a deep, lingering hurt. My days would vanish into a cycle of overthinking. I would "map" their current behavior back to my own past mistakes and many times I shouted at my children due to work pressure or family stress. I convinced myself that I was simply receiving my own past behavior back, with interest.
But today, I realized how wrong I was to map the present onto the past in this way.
What happened in the past was a separate chapter. If someone is using harsh words today, they are likely reacting to their own current pressures, their own work stress or internal storms. It is not necessarily a reflection of my past behavior. By mapping it this way, I was punishing myself for things I cannot change and feeling bad for no reason.
I need to move on. I need to relearn how to use my ears. Instead of absorbing the "garbage" and relating it to my old guilt, I choose to pray for them. I pray that my loved ones find peace, that they are calmed, and that they handle their pressures with ease.
This, I realize, is the first step toward true surrender. Perhaps "HE" thinks I am finally ready for this level of letting go. I am realizing that I don't need to misunderstand anyone, nor do I need to defend myself. I just need to let go and wish everyone well. There is nothing else in my hands; everything is truly on auto-pilot. I just need to trust the flight.
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