शनिवार, २८ सप्टेंबर, २०२४

2038: Guilt faded away

 

I began my professional career at a very young age. It was my mother's perspective on life; at the time, her core beliefs were to "learn to survive," "learn to earn," or "prove that earning is easy." And as a result, I carried on being a working mother full-time. When I had to leave my most precious children with someone, I used to cry uncontrollably. However, I overcame myself and continued, and the guilt began to mount. I still carry a heavy burden of regret over not staying at home to give my kids my whole attention. For someone like me who enjoys sleeping peacefully, it is nevertheless so terrible that it has turned into a nightmare. The guilt started to surface more and I began to struggle more. Eventually, I felt like I needed professional help because I had kind of preserved and nurtured that guilt within me.

 

Around the same time, I came across a lot of write-ups, articles, videos, podcasts, interviews, etc., in which there were many examples. For instance, someone said she stayed with her grandmother consistently from the age of 8 months to 18+. Others portrayed twins who were divided from birth and were entirely cared for by two grandparents very happily. In other cases, parents kept their children with grandparents because of work, further education, economic conditions, and other reasons they knew.

 

I was inundated with remarkably similar yet distinct stories within the same category. As these numerous stories appeared out of nowhere, seemingly with a purpose, I began to recall a great deal of more stories from earlier archives. Regardless of their upbringing, all children greatly admire and respect their parents. And suddenly, it was as though I felt lighter than feathers, as though my entire load had been lifted, or perhaps more accurately, had begun to wash off from my shoulders. I am grateful for all the stories and the channels via which they were shared with me. They have undoubtedly relieved me of a great deal of baggage.

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